Crack Chronicles 5: Confessions O' UnNinja Blonde
by xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx
Summary: Seriously! Deidara actually survives in a house with three other people and a possibly rabid ferret and lives to tell the tale? Gasp! We must know how he thinks of Sapphira, Hidan, Amethystte, and Beyond the said ferret! And how do milkshakes fit in?


Crack Chronicles 5: Confessions Of An Un-Ninja Blonde

**Oh geez…another story by yours truly! I have a warning too! This one shot will undoubtedly *scrolls down to double check* contain the fine male specimen Deidara, the implied consumption of milkshakes, uh the person perspective of Deidara's friends and…stupidity? Poor writing skills? Lack of effort? Oh well, you can't say I didn't try cuz that would be a lie! I gave much thought into my plot thankyouverymuch! Naw seriously I've had a milkshake fetish lately and have yet gotten my lazy ass up to attempt making one sooooo yeah, poor thinking process, right?**

**I disclaim owning Deidara and Hidan, the wondrous production of Milkshakes, the song Milkshake, and Amethystte (who belongs to the astounding Amethystte!)…Sapphira I guess I own considering she haunts me with every wakening step I take or think about taking…..yeah, no comment. Think whatever you want because I will NOT risk a mauling by a ferret who has NOT had his rabies shot…yes, I'm referring to Beyond, I guess Sapphira owns him and I own Sapphira yet Sapphira claims me…I'm drastically confused just read the damn story and leave me beeeeeeeeeee!**

* * *

Deidara's Point of View

Ever had one of those days when you want to stab yourself in the eye with a pencil? Well let me tell you, when you live like me you get a lot of those eye twitching, pencil reaching compulsions. It's not really that I dislike my housemates- I love them all in a weird family-like way really- it's just that sometimes things get…irritating you know?

For starters, there's Hidan aka my boyfriend. I know that's it's just the way he is but the constant cutting, bloodshed, cult actions have gotten me to the point of gagging whenever I get a paper cut and I run to the bathroom to throw up. I don't know why but I've came up with a phobia of blood from the silver-haired dude's constant sadist acts.

Another thing about Hidan is his cursing with is sort of attractive…until it's me he's bitching at. So yeah, I hate it when someone curses dramatically over nothing of real importance because well, it's just damn annoying. But then again, I'm seriously a hypocrite because I can be a nagging pussy at times too but oh well, right?

Hidan, Hidan, Hidan and his fights with Sapphira. I never really found out why exactly he picks fights with her because I know he knows that she knows how to castrate his you know what. Enough said because, damn it's sooo weird after the constant trips to the hospital and where somehow I'm always the one who has to explain the incident because Amethystte says "You know more about the male anatomy, hopefully, and you should be able to describe things better and other than that Sapphira and I are going out for milkshakes sooo bye!" And then they leave me…without a car, surprise, surprise there, right!?

Next…speak of the devil, is Amethystte herself. She's not as mean or cruel as Sapphira by any means and she is the motherly figure but really!? She's younger, shorter, and on the basis line of being more perverted than Hidan.

So yeah, that's the first thing about Ame that irks me. Never ever be caught in the situation of being the one who is a guy, sharing a couch with a girl who is watching yaoi on her stolen laptop and giggling and drooling over the dudes. It is, in my description, weird, troubling, awkward, eye-rolling, and at the upmost freakishly disturbing. Very disturbing, end of story.

Another thing about Amethystte is that she lets Sapphira get away with virtually everything she does wrong! Seriously! Oh it's okay Sapphira, Hidan deserved to get his member chopped off anyway, milkshakes? Awwww, Sapphira you wanna go out for some cherry lollies after you finish harassing Deidara? Hey? Sapphira! I'm going out to get some ice cream for milkshakes, will you please try not to kill any of the male members in the house while I'm gone…ahhh, a cult sacrifice on the pink carpet? Oh well, I'll get the bleach and the kawaii band-aids, kay?

Grrrr, that's basically all the scenarios you need to see right? Obviously someone is a favoritism-inducing little-grrr. Big deep breaths, Deidara. Deep, calming breaths. Damn that therapist…his voice makes me wanna kill a poor hideous animal…Beyond! Here, boy!

Yeah, Beyond is a part of the family too so, yes, he gets on my nerves! One thing is that he's perverted. He stalks Ame-chan wherever she goes and is persistent even after she sprays him with _my _cologne. Mine. Oh noooo, she couldn't reach for her strawberry milkshake scented perfume or Sapphira's popsicle scented body spray, not even Hidan's ocean breeze cologne, just….fucking…mine!

The ferret is a devilish creature, too! He attacks people out of the blue and listens to Sapphira's every command! The two of them are like partners in crime. Not like robbery crimes either. I'm talking about the mass murders and terrorist slayings…very unsettling considering I've found him in the middle of the night sitting beside my pillow looking at me from an hand's length away with his cherry colored eyes…damn I'm paranoid because of that devil's pet.

And that brings me to…drum roll please…Sapphira! She is probably the scariest female creature that walks the face of the planet, all the other realms, people's dreams and nightmares…everywhere!

If I had to pick any amount of adjectives to describe the blue-haired menace they would be mean, cruel, disturbing, irksome, frightening, paranoia-inducing, pencil to eye goring, face palm-inducing, treacherous, cute, funny, damn right hilarious, innocent, naïve, mastermind…do I have to continue? She's a sister that is on crack I think. But you have to kinda love her right?

Sooo, to put things short since she couldn't wired my room…she is blank.

Yeah, I'm not even gonna say it because I know the second I do she will come barreling down the stairs and chop off my hair and literally scalp me while acting like an Indian!

"My milkshake brings all the boys to yard…."

Uhh, that's my phone…? It's either Sapphira or Amethystte since they have the same ringtone id. Oh great, I'm doomed!

"Um, hello?"

"…" Deep heavy breaths I could hear from the other line which means…th-they are in the same room!

"Dei-Dei Bunny Queen!"

I was just able to turn my head skyward to see the tall, anorexic, blue-haired, blue-eyed girl come soaring from the air duct and then I blacked out for a moment.

When I woke up, I found myself arms posted to either side of my head and Sapphira was…kissing me!?

…

…

…

Wow, since when did she become a better kisser than Hidan? Oh man, this is great actually! So what if I cheat on Hidan?? I could always have Sapphira on my side then…you know what? This might actually work…

Bang! And my blinds are slammed shut again, my eyes rolling to the back of my head I hear laughing, girlish cackling really. The lump on my head was throbbing with and an unhealthy migraine was coming on.

"Ninja Rule Number 54: The element of surprise is greatly met with a lip lock with a hot gay boy." Amethystte said while holding back some more eye twitching laughter.

Then I heard Sapphira stomp her foot and 'hmph.'

"Ame-kitty chan! Ninja Rule Number 54 is: The element of surprise is greater with an evasion technique to both frighten and warn your opponent. Dei-kun owed me a kiss and I figured he would bail off to some tropical island before he would repay me sooo I took advantage of the opportunity!" Sapphira exclaimed while I mentally banged my head up against a brick wall and opened my eyes.

The was a flashlight shining in my eyes intensifying my headache, and Sapphira was leaning over me, her face (more importantly her lips) were just centimeters away, and I noticed upon further inspection that she and Amethystte were both wearing ninja clothes.

I sighed while not removing my gaze from Sapphira's lips. Why did she actually kiss me for anyways, I thought she was joking when she said I had to? I sighed, for lack of a better description, I was leaping like a leprechaun glad that Hidan was at Kakuzu's house for the night…

Ugh, I hate it whenever he goes to a guy friend's house…

* * *

**Soooo, how was it!? Did you like it? Was it utter garbage like I thought It was? Awwwwww, plz don't be that cruel and unforgiving and put all my efforts in vain! Don't go before you fave! Review? Oh come one! Just smile at your monitor and sooner or later I will receive the telepathic message that you somewhat enjoyed this one-shot!! It's the least you can do other than chunking your computer out the window!! Geez, you are all such a tough crowd to please! What to do, what to do…aha! If you review and not navigate away from this page or roll your eyes dramatically I will…not jump off that cliff waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy over there! *points finger in a north to northeast direction* Happy now? In the least bit satisfied?! You guys seriously want to see my dead corpse being hauled off on a stretcher or gurney eh?? Well too bad cuz I'm going to get me a chocolate milkshake right now!**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Okay so maybe I decided t wait and see your reactions, don't blame me!**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Sapphira commands you?:)**


End file.
